For the last few mornings, I have woken up with half as much energy as I am usually accustomed to, thanks to my poor sleep (or caffeine). I would go for a walk in the woods, have tea, and, if I’m a bit more energetic, I’d go for my latest mini-addiction — walking up and down an open staircase (at a nearby railway station so I could see the sun) for 30-45 minutes at a high intensity.
But today was different. Today, a simple WhatsApp message filled the other half of my energy cup. A friend of mine had read my blog and appreciated it. I am not talking about ‘Hey, read your blog, Great job, keep it up!’ I am talking about praise that is sincere and specific. They had read a post (or two) written a while back and referenced it with an idea of their own. So it was not direct praise, but that was good enough for me. Good enough to kick me into the zone of getting things done. It made me cancel my walk (that can happen in the evening) and get straight to work that actually matters to me, and apparently to a few like my friend.
Let me state a few words from the Scott Adams book, “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big”
Children are accustomed to a continual stream of criticisms and praise, but adults can go weeks without a compliment while enduring criticism both at work and at home. Adults are starved for a kind word. When you understand the power of honest praise (as opposed to bullshitting, flattery, and sucking up), you realize that withholding it borders on immoral. If you see something that impresses you, a decent respect to humanity insists you voice your praise.
We adults don’t have a natural feedback loop as our children do. If your kid writes A B C for the first time, but it reads like all the twenty-six letters jumbled up into three, you still give them a high-five. We adults, outgrow the high-fives, but not the need for them. Adults are starved for a kind word.
Now, not everyone will get praise every week (or maybe for years), let alone every day. I would still rely on my recently realized philosophy: live your life, or do your work, like a successful stock market intraday trader does their work. Absolutely clinical, without emotions. Because you can’t rely on others all the time, there is only one person you could rely on, and that is your best friend from college who would add your name to every group project even though your lazy-ass never showed up yourself.
But it feels good to be appreciated once in a while. So thank your spouse for making the bed every day right after waking up. Or your mother, for checking up on you every day, even though you are a thousand miles away from home and you still never call her back. Or your friend, for writing a below-average article, but it helped you in some way.